Process of Illumination

Urgency & Surrender

For the past few weeks, I’ve been writing about love energy –  our capacity for it, what it feels like, where it comes from, how to channel it and where to direct it. What I’ve noticed is that the more conscious I am of how powerful and ever-present this energy is and the more in alignment I feel with my true consciousness, the more I discover how it motivates, maneuvers and empowers me in fascinating new ways.

I mentioned last week that I had sent a note on Facebook to a real-estate agent/friend to ask her to help me find a property I could buy for use as an office, sometime over the next year. On one hand, this was a pretty bold idea on my part because, in the past, I have doubted that I had the experience, skills or courage to be able to make such a big financial investment all by myself without the support, guidance and/or shared responsibility of a parent or a spouse.  But, then again, ideas and vision are what I’m good at and I find it fun to look at different kinds of properties and imagine how I can use them to fulfill my dreams. The part I find more challenging is following through, getting past my fears and doubts and actually making something like that happen.

After a few days had passed and I hadn’t heard back from my friend/agent, I found myself driving past a property that intrigued me. I stopped outside and looked it up on my MLS app to find out the details. As I was sitting there, I noticed that a woman had gone inside and I assumed it was the person who lived there. After a few moments, I happened to look up again and was amazed to see that the person who was leaving the house was my friend the real-estate agent! I honked my horn, yelled at her and jumped out of the car. “How weird is this?” I said, and proceeded to ask her if she had received my note on Facebook. She hadn’t. She just synchronistically happened to be there to check out the property on her own.

To be honest, I can’t be sure what would have happened had I not run into her that night. In the past, I would have talked myself out of the idea, eventually, telling myself it was “too big a risk” or “too much responsibility” and “who did I think I was buying unnecessary real estate, anyway? I’m just a small-time rookie and I should get over myself and stay small.” But maybe this time would have been different. The idea came to me in the first place because I recently renewed my lease on my current office and I could not shake the thought that It just doesn’t make sense to be spending that much money on rent when I could be paying off a mortgage on a property that serves my needs better while helping me to “build my empire”. Since the idea came to me, I have had this sense of “knowing” that this is the “smart” way to go and that knowing has kept me really calm and patient and able to remain focused on what I want and what I’m worth. Every time a doubt has crept in, there is another part of me that trusts my own judgement, experience and intuition.

And then (of course) the universe dropped the ideal property into my lap in a way that I just couldn’t ignore.

I did end up putting in an offer over the weekend and, to be honest, it’s been the most unconventional, glitchy, drawn-out real estate experience I’ve ever had. The deal has died and been revived two or three times already and yet, even with another offer on the table, for some reason, it seems that this property is “waiting” for me. I still don’t know if I’ll end up getting it but I’ve already learned so much about myself and my skills in the process that it has been well worth it. I also think that the fact that it has been drawn out this long has allowed me to get comfortable with the reality of the idea while doing my homework and discovering how “do-able” this really is, not to mention that I’m more convinced than ever that it is a pretty smart business investment. Regardless of the outcome, I now know that this ”bold” idea of investing in real estate will become a reality, eventually, and it has inspired me to keep my eyes open and continue to build my empire in other ways as well.

Which makes me think of a conversation I had with a client earlier today. We were talking about the how we feel a strong sense of urgency about so many things in our lives right now and how, in the past, it might have indicated a misguided need to control. But, at this time in our lives and after all the personal work we have done, the urgency feels more like a rushing river of purpose that cannot be ignored. This sense of urgency has incredible direction, power and momentum and it knows what it wants and where its going. The major difference is that, instead of it being used as a way to control how and when things unfold we must, instead, learn to surrender to it and trust that it will take us in the direction of our true purpose.

Another example of this came on Tuesday, the day I normally would have written my blog. I stayed longer at art class to finish a painting I had started that day because I was working on what turned out to be “an expressive piece”, as my teacher, Suzanne called it.  She encouraged us to try a stamping technique that she had demonstrated at the beginning of class and, with no specific vision or idea in mind, I began to fill up the canvas with random stamped colours, brushstrokes and torn up pieces of newspaper. Not knowing where it would end up, I kept working on it and letting it develop on it’s own. As it did, I noticed some figures beginning to emerge and I was compelled to see what it “wanted” to become. At one point, it actually looked quite disturbing but Suzanne helped me to keep moving it into a direction that I was comfortable with. What emerged seemed to be an expression of what must have been in my unconscious mind at the time. Eventually, I got it to a place where it felt right to stop working on it, at least for now. For a few days, I wasn’t sure if I liked it or not but now, when I look at it, I see my own inner goddess, a large and commanding figure, emerging from the sea of emotion… primal… naked… empowered… intuitive eyes… embracing her divine femininity with her heart wide open, ready to receive.

The sense of urgency I felt to complete this painting, coupled with my ability to surrender to the process and not try to control the outcome allowed me to produce a tangible expression of my inner self.

We often don’t know what we’re capable of until we surrender to the power of our own “river” of love.