After my whirlwind trip to New Orleans last week, I’m happy to say that this week has been pleasantly calm, relatively uneventful and a much needed respite from the high energy events of the previous week. As is often the case when I return home from being away, I needed some down time to process everything I had experienced. Unfortunately, that also included a bit of a “shame hangover” from having been so exposed at the conference as well as the familiar voice in my head that questioned whether I was being too self-indulgent in terms of giving myself the gift of such a great experience. The truth is that business has been slow recently and I’ve already done so much traveling, so even though I found the conference to be of tremendous benefit for me professionally, I was second-guessing whether it was wise to spend the money. There were a few days where I was actually in full-on panic about finances. Not sure what to do about it, I decided to put out a message to the universe and posted on Facebook: “Feeling like I need a miracle today.”
Even though I was asking for a miracle, I also knew that, given my lack of rational perspective at that point, I had better find a way to shift my focus or I would end up manifesting exactly what I was afraid of. As I know this pattern all too well, I used my skills and was quickly able to identify that the problem really lay in the fact that there were some “incompletes & messes” that had started to build up over the past few weeks and this was causing me to feel overwhelmed. If you are not familiar with this term, it’s pretty simple. “Incompletes & Messes” are the things that we have started but have not finished or the little piles of things that have yet to be addressed and so they feel bigger and bigger as time goes on. These occur on a practical and physical level but also on a mental and emotional level. It is the bills that need to be paid, the closet that needs to be cleaned, the conversation that’s been avoided, the emails that haven’t been answered, the fear that has yet to be confronted, the transgression that has not been forgiven… you get the idea.
Once I had identified the true source of my anxiety, I knew that once I had caught up on my bills, deposited the cheques, followed up on emails and organized my house a bit, I would feel much better. In the meantime though, I needed to practice some Self-Love in the form of a “reality-check” by re-connecting to what is “true” in my life. Thankfully, the week offered opportunities for just that.
Apart from lots of time just cooking and hanging out at home with my boys, I had dinner with my two oldest, “bestest” girlfriends on Thursday and then my youngest son and I went to see “Ender’s Game” later on; I started the new 5-week meditation series with Bart Smit on Friday; I attended an amazing gig at the Dora Keogh featuring two of my dear friends on Saturday and I spent time with two more of good friends at the St. Lawrence Antique Market on Sunday. Looking back on all of those special moments, I now see that the Universe had given me several little miracles already.
However, it wasn’t until after Bart’s meditation class that I really began to understand how powerful we can be at manifesting even more of what we desire. A lot of what Bart has been teaching lately is about how the world as we know it is changing so quickly and dramatically and that the “old” ways of doing things have become way too energy intensive. One of the main examples of this is how we manifest what we want. If I understand him correctly, it is no longer so much about “giving our energy” toward something in order to draw it toward us but more about moving into our own “spirit” and residing there. From that place, everything is possible. In fact, when we are in that space, we have the sense that everything we want is already “here” because we feel immediate gratitude for “what is”. Nothing needs to change in that place. Everything is perfect.
If that’s a bit hard to understand, perhaps what I did after Bart’s class, to experiment with what I understood his message to be, will help. For instance, for the New Moon on Sunday, instead of writing a bunch of “wishes” down, I changed it to a statement about the “energy” I wish to be in and I wrote it in the present tense. So, rather than saying “I wish for abundance and prosperity” I changed it to “I am in the energy of abundance and prosperity”. In addition to that, I have changed how I address the moments when I find myself having an emotional reaction to something or when I hear negative messages in my head. Bart refers to this moment as an opportunity to ask “who is driving the bus?” It’s either “spirit” (which is truth/consciousness) or it’s “personality” (which is ego). In that moment, instead of choosing a different “thought” to replace the negative feeling or message, I am now simply looking for the energy of my “spirit” and allowing my ”self” to move into it (or it into me). It’s amazing how, no matter how anxious I might be in one moment, as soon as I invite spirit in, I naturally start to breathe more deeply and in a few breaths I begin to feel an infusion of loving, joyful, sensual energy. It is fascinating to just sit and feel it as it moves around – in and out – and how I’m learning to maintain my focus in order to remain in the energy as much as possible. The practice of meditation is crucial to this because it brings you into this space of “spirit” or “consciousness” and allows you to become familiar with how it feels. I have no doubt in my mind that, since I have been meditating regularly, I have experienced a huge shift in general consciousness and manifestation.
Needless to say that, as soon as I began this practice my anxiety about money not only disappeared, but I began to “find” money all over the place. Over the past two days I have received several new client bookings; clients have send e-transfers for outstanding payments; I discovered a client billing error in my favour; 10 new people registered for the next Self-Love workshop; I found an envelope full of cash when I was organizing my papers and someone who has owed me a good chunk of money since last February emailed me and told me he can pay me in full.
But, the bigger miracle was yet to come…
Yesterday, I found out that someone very dear to me was in a serious motorcycle accident on the highway. After skidding out on his side at 80 km/hr, not only did he somehow avoid being run over by any number of cars but he stood up and was able to walk away from the crash with no broken bones and only scrapes and bruises. As he put it: “It’s a fuckin’ miracle I’m alive”.
In a strange way, I’m happy now that I was so anxious about money because it is what caused me to look for a miracle and, while I realize that this accident didn’t happen to “me”, I still feel incredibly grateful for the miracle that occurred that day as well as all of the smaller ones that occur every single day. I realize now that we must always do everything we can to stay in the energy of Miracles because we never know when we’re really going to need one.