I thought I might have an excuse not to write tonight.
I’m in Madoc, Ontario, at the beautiful country home of a friend. My laptop is very slow for some reason and, while I sat and waited for the “beach ball of death” to disappear, I noticed that I was kind of hoping it would prevent me from writing.
But, as it happens, the beach ball stopped turning and here I am.
So, why the reluctance to write?
I don’t know what to say.
I came up here, by myself, for the express purpose of beginning my book and, not surprisingly, I’m procrastinating.
Well, maybe not procrastinating.
Maybe I’m just finding it hard to transition into that space. I mean, it’s kind of a big deal. I’ve been talking about writing a book for a while now and I’ve got as far as to manifest the perfect environment in which to do that.
On one hand, it’s miraculous and, on the other hand, it’s terrifying.
But I’m not going to go into all of the feelings around that. I think it’s pretty obvious what’s coming up for me. The important thing, now, is to get past it.
Funny… I’m scared to “name” the book.
For you, that is… my “readers”.
I imagine all the people who reach out to me each week and I wonder if you’ll support my choice of what to write about. It’s a bit crazy but, that’s me… the pleaser 🙂
It won’t come as much of a surprise that the book is going to be about Self-Love. The “working title” is the Self-Love Owner’s Manual and it’s coming from my personal experience as well as from the research I have collected from my work with clients and from what my friends have shared with me.
It’s interesting because I’ve spoken with all sorts of people about this idea to see who it resonates with… or not… and it seems that the idea of “user’s manual” is more appealing to women in mid-life who have lived through some challenging experiences (such as failed relationships) and are now in a place where they realize that they have been going through life in “default” mode, with little awareness of who they are and what they need.
The Self-Love Owner’s Manual is about exploring and accepting who we are. It’s about looking into our past so that we can understand how we got here and creating a guide book to help us navigate the journey toward where we want to be. For many of us… most of us… it’s about looking at our past experiences and the pain that we have gone through and looking for the insight and wisdom that has come from it so that we can be clearer about how we want our future to look.
As I’m writing, I’m listening to various versions of the song “True Colors”, by Cyndi Lauper. I heard it on the radio this morning and I haven’t been able to get it out of my head since.
It’s such a beautiful song and what I love most about it is that it celebrates vulnerability and speaks of the courage it takes to simply “be who we are”.
In my line of work (and because of who I am), I’m in a unique position to see people for who they really are. I cultivate and treasure very deep connections with people that are often immediate, upon first meeting. When a person trusts me enough to show me their “true colors” it is an honour that I cherish and respect.
The idea of the Self-Love Owner’s Manual is very much like that song. I want to create something that will help people feel safe to reveal their “true colors” to themselves and to the people they love. I want them to be able to embrace who they are and to have the courage and conviction to not settle for less than what they need, want and deserve. I want them to have people in their lives who will celebrate their uniqueness and accept their flaws along with their strengths.
Tomorrow, I will begin to create the outline for this book. I have no idea what I’m doing but I’m just going to trust that everything is as it should be.
I’ll leave you with Cyndi…