Process of Illumination

Giving Myself The Gift of Creativity

Due to some recent schedule juggling, it seems that I only have an hour to work on this week’s blog. I usually spend an entire afternoon composing these posts so, today, instead of trying to find more time to write this week, I will rise to the challenge and trust that whatever I write in this hour will be “enough”. Now that I think about it, that is actually a pretty good example of Self-Love right there. If the practice of Self-Love includes embracing all of who we are and trusting that we are always “enough”, then whatever I write in this hour does not have to be perfect, or “more” or “better”. This blog post, like me, like you, will be “enough”, just as it is. So, here I am, opening myself up, risking judgment and being vulnerable enough to admit that, this week, I’m just going to “wing it” and see what happens. (That reminds me of an insight I had recently about Judgment. Maybe I’ll write about that piece next time).

In order to remind myself of things to write about, I make notes on my iPhone whenever I think or hear of something blog-worthy. This week, the only note I have is this: “Happiness starts when we stop trying to make a living and start creating a life”. This seems fitting because part of why I started writing a blog (as opposed to just journaling privately) was to hopefully inspire others and, if possible, attract more clients. The process, however, did not unfold effortlessly at first. I would have to force myself to sit down and write rather than simply writing for pleasure. During those writing sessions, I would struggle to think of what to write about rather than allowing the process to flow organically.

If you have been following my posts, you may have noticed that my perspective on things has shifted quite a bit over the past year. In essence, I have been discovering what it means to start “Creating A Life” instead of trying to “make a living”. And by that, I don’t necessarily mean how I earn money. It also has to do with accepting and being grateful for things as they are versus being sad, disappointed or frustrated because what you want doesn’t fit into the narrow construct of what you have or what you believe is possible. This past year, I have had to learn to accept that certain things are not they way I want them to be, and I have had to grieve and accept that my life was not taking the direction I had been working toward for many years. It was brutal, to say the least, but hey, shit happens. The silver lining (yes, there’s always a silver lining) is that this process has taught me the value of truly embracing “what is”. Even though it is not what I would have chosen, there are aspects of the situation which are not in my control, and so surrendering and trusting that everything is “as it should be” really became the only option (unless I choose to suffer un-necessarily, which I do not.) In other words, believing and appreciating that everything is always as it should be causes us to lift our resistance and therefore allows new possibilities and perspectives to manifest. And that is nothing short of a Miracle.

I could go on and on about how many possibilities I have created this year and how much broader my perspective has become, but for the purposes of this article, I’ll bring it back to my experience of writing. Now, instead of forcing myself to sit and write, and struggling with what to write, I have decided to approach the problem from a different perspective and find a way to see it as an “act of Self-Love”. In doing so, I chose to focus on the task of writing as a joyful experience rather than seeing it as a “job”. This allowed me to explore all sorts of ways in which writing would feel fun again! This is what I came up with: I have designated Tuesdays as my “Creative” day. On this day, I choose a creative outlet and I give myself the “gift” of doing whatever will feed my soul that day… drawing, making jewellery, painting my front door, making a movie on my computer, taking photographs, writing a song, cooking a special meal, etc… In addition, I’ve noticed that getting out of the house and into the world really makes a huge difference to the experience, so I might also select an alternate venue to work at (for writing, it’s often the Rooster Coffee House on Broadview), but it might be a park, taking a “discovery drive” , a friend’s place or exploring a part of the city. I have to say that it has worked wonders so far. Brene Brown talks about unused creativity as getting stuck inside us, turning into judgment, grief, anger and shame. If we truly want to practice Self-Love, we have to put what we love on the top of the list and, now that I have, the writing has been quite effortless…especially, on days like today, when I’m not even sure what it will be until its done. 🙂

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